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PostPosted: 09 Apr 2008, 12:24 
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Why Christians Shouldn't Care About the Environment

Sermon by Pastor Deacon Fred (Landover Baptist Church)

The fate of the world rests in God's Hands alone - not ours! As True Bible believing Christians™, we have a much better understanding about the fate of this planet than any Biologist, Environmentalist, or so-called scientist because we have a personal relationship with the Fellow who created this whole place to begin with! Friends, as True Christians™ then, being familiar with the Holy Bible gives you more authority than anyone who holds a post-graduate degree! That's something to be proud of - don't wince about it! And don't let people call you crazy! God's Holy Scriptures give the poorest farmer's servant in our congregation the power to win an argument with a Bio-Chemist, or a Nuclear Physicist - without even knowing a lick about what them folks studied in their fancy secular universities! What these ignorant unsaved, over-educated folks don't understand is that they can gather all the data, all the research and present all the facts they care to collect about any subject under the sun - but when you hold it next to child-like faith in the Almighty God, the most learned Evolutionist or Environmentalist, will widen their blind eyes in awe, and cower in fear at the truth of God's Word! Praise Jesus! For the simple truth, we need only look to our old children's Sunday School song, "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands!" Oh, GLORY!

All this hub-bub about conserving energy, and protecting the environment is enough to make me want to pull my hair out! How about you? Why should we give a lick if our thermometers are edging up a bit, when the Lord promised He is going to turn the whole dang planet into a fire ball any minute now? Who is going to protect the ice cubes in Greenland then, my friends? Satan is sending out a false anxiety, and misdirected mass-hysteria about the environment! The roots of these phony fears are planted deeply into so-called "facts" which sprout from poisonous seeds between the hot-rocks scattered across the sandy shores of the Lake of Fire. Its Satan's way of slapping Jesus in the face while he still has a chance! A-men? The only fact these folks should really be afraid of is the fact that if they don't believe in Jesus Christ, that our loving God is going to roast them alive in Hell for eternity! Now, if you ask me - I'd be much more concerned about what is going to happen to me for eternity than I am about what's going to happen to me in the next few years! A-men?

God teaches us in the Bible that "thinking" and "worrying" is an absolute waste of time! 

Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? - Matthew 6:25

Anyone who has read the Bible and believes every word will agree that worrying about our environment and trying to conserve energy (among other things) is an act of defiance against the Living God. Friends, the Lord will take care of everything. God made the Earth and the Heavens and if He wants to destroy it all, He will! In fact, one of the things that makes folks True Christians™ in the first place is that we are PRAYING for the destruction of this planet. You see, God actually wants us to use up all the resources, because when everything is gone, it will signal the return of sweet Jesus to come kill all the Muslims, Catholics, Mormons, Hindus and Tree-Hugger-know-it-alls. If we don't end the world, God will just end it Himself. We've got to do our duty to speed up the process. The Bible says that God has given the world and everything in it for man to use. God wants us to do with it whatever we please! From Genesis, Chapter 1:26 we learn that God has given us dominion over "every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth!" So much for endangered species! That's why we have an Endangered Species Dinner each year here at Landover! To celebrate God's love for wild game hunters! And show that God has given us any species or plant we want to eat, even if it happens to be the last of its kind! Amen? In Genesis Chapter 1:29, the Lord continues letting us know that he has given us "every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of the earth." And we just learned recently that plants create the air we breathe. God is telling us then, that we can use up the air in any way we see fit! Once the air is gone, it just means that Jesus will come back, so the more pollution, the better! Glory! In verse 30 of the same chapter, He affirms the fact that we have dominion over "every single living thing on earth," and our environment is a living thing! Folks, that means we can do whatever we want with anything we like! If we use it all up, we have to have faith that the Lord will return and provide for us again. If you follow God's rules, supply and demand doesn't mean a lick. I think I speak for the Lord here, when I say, "use it or lose it." Oh, ye of little faith! Don't you know that God can simply sweep his robe across the clouds and create clean air again, if He wills it?

Friends, I'm going to get a little controversial now, but someone has to speak the truth. The sissy Christians who pick and choose whatever Bible verse they like to fit their latest agenda will burn in Hell and give off just as pleasing a scent to the nostrils of the Lord as any hell bound, America hating Muslim will. It is these pansy, false Christians whose liberal ideas are polluting the spiritual truth of God's Word. I'll say it now, and I'll say it again and again! If you are a True Christian™, you shouldn't be recycling. True Christians™ shouldn't be attending Global Warming rallies, or be celebrating Earth Day. True Christians™ understand that worrying about such things, or supporting such efforts is in direct conflict with the Word of God! Friends, we can sum up our Evangelical stand on "Conservation" by making all these fancy scientifical types understand one truth: That is if Jesus can feed five thousand people with two stinky fish and five loaves of stale bread, He can certainly turn the lights back on and make clean air by just burping! Oh, Glory! Glory!

I ask that you share this message with your brothers and sisters in Christ who are not blessed enough to attend our Godly church. Rebuke them strongly for taking an interest in the fate of our planet! Tell them you are ashamed at their lack of faith and share some of the Scriptures I've shared with you here. Satan has shifted his trickery into high gear during these last days. He'll do anything he can do to deter you from keeping on the straight and narrow path to Heaven. He is trying everything he can to make your mind wander into worldy concerns and get you to stop warning people about the only real threat to humanity! That threat, we know from the New Testament is God's threat! Friends, getting a faster tan and a little extra sunshine from Global Warming, doesn't hold a candle to having the skin boiled off one's body by bubbling lava in the Lake of Fire! And that fact, my Godly brothers and sisters in Christ, should be more disconcerting than anything Lucifer and his army of hook-nosed liberals and pointy-tailed demons can pull out of their fancy behinds!

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PostPosted: 09 Apr 2008, 22:22 
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Neighbor of the Beast

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"Get behind me Satan, and give us little nudge in the right direction while your back there..."

Me


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PostPosted: 16 Jul 2008, 18:01 
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turd sniffer.

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PostPosted: 16 Jul 2008, 22:17 
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Location: up the river
so I had to go snooping around on their website
fascinating they have gated communites for their kind of folk titled
platinum tithers
gold tithers
etc.
so according to them, its true you can buy your way in to heaven. and the scariest of all he actually has a BA in elementary education. He would be downright dangerous in a classroom. eeeeeeks!

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PostPosted: 16 Jul 2008, 22:31 
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Oh, Otter ... You poor woman ...

:hug:

Hopefully you're not scarred for life!

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PostPosted: 16 Jul 2008, 22:34 
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Don't most of them think you can buy your way in?

And to think, that was one of the things Luther condemned the Church for...

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Chloride and Sodium: Two terribly dangerous substances that taste great together!


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PostPosted: 17 Jul 2008, 22:17 
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The Good Man of Nanking

Joined: 30 Oct 2007, 19:03
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When did Lex Luthor condemn the church?

I thought he was too busy trying to destroy Superman, but maybe he's branching out.

(There's gotta be a riff somewhere about a Luthoran church.)

Rob

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Lt. Frank Drebin: Well, isn't that the fault of the voters?


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PostPosted: 18 Jul 2008, 02:53 
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Joined: 25 Jun 2008, 05:08
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I love the Landover Baptist site.

Particularly the bible quizzes.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/quizlist.html

The correspondence from Christians who are less literal in interpreting the bible, is also entertaining, as well as the correspondence from secular people who miss the point of the site.

David B


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PostPosted: 08 Aug 2008, 17:01 
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Joined: 10 Jul 2008, 18:05
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David B wrote:
I love the Landover Baptist site.

Particularly the bible quizzes.

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/quizlist.html

The correspondence from Christians who are less literal in interpreting the bible, is also entertaining, as well as the correspondence from secular people who miss the point of the site.

David B


That site is AMAZING!!!! I haven't laughed so hard in so long....

I was confused for a second though....wasn't sure if they were being serious on the forums or not....


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PostPosted: 10 Aug 2008, 17:52 
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Oh no. Landover Baptist. 'Nuff said?

The best part about this article:

Quote:
True Bible believing Christians™

There actually is a trademark symbol on that!

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PostPosted: 08 Nov 2008, 07:40 
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Joined: 09 Oct 2008, 11:25
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Location: Deepest, Darkest NZ
Landover Baptist is the BEST Christian Spoof site on the Internetz.

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"If the cross is the sign of anything, it's the sign that God has gone out of the religion business and solved all of the world's problems without requiring a single human being to do a single religious thing." Robert Farrar Capon


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PostPosted: 08 Nov 2008, 13:00 
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It's too subtle.

her book, on the other hand, is outright poison. :D

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PostPosted: 09 Nov 2008, 17:09 
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Postess
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Mediancat wrote:
When did Lex Luthor condemn the church?

I thought he was too busy trying to destroy Superman, but maybe he's branching out.

(There's gotta be a riff somewhere about a Luthoran church.)

Rob


Same difference.

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PostPosted: 21 Nov 2008, 22:22 
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Gogdidit so in this evangelical attitude, Godcanundoit!

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PostPosted: 06 Jul 2017, 21:40 
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